How to Stay Alive When Everything’s Trying to Kill You
The Fuglys' Guide to Not Dying Horribly
2/25/20251 min read


Welcome to the wasteland! If you’re reading this, congrats—you’re still breathing. But don’t get too comfortable. Out here, everything from the air to the neighbors wants you dead. Lucky for you, The Fuglys have mastered the fine art of not becoming a corpse. Here’s what you need to know to survive another day.
1. Find Shelter Before the Sun Sets
Once the sun goes down, the real freaks come out. Mutants, raiders, and things even Blister won’t go near. If you don’t have a safe place to hole up, you’ll be their midnight snack. Look for old buildings, vehicles, or caves—just check for squatters before you settle in.
2. Water Ain’t Just for Drinking
Yeah, you need water to stay alive, but it’s also good for washing off toxic sludge (or at least diluting it). Avoid anything that glows, moves on its own, or smells like Cletus’ moonshine—unless you want to grow a third arm.
3. Always Have an Exit Plan
If a deal sounds too good to be true, it’s a trap. If a place looks too safe, it’s a trap. If someone smiles at you for no reason, definitely a trap. Keep one foot out the door and a weapon in hand at all times.
4. Don’t Trust Strangers (Except When You Have To)
Most people left in the wasteland are either desperate, dangerous, or both. That being said, teaming up can help—just be sure you’re not the weakest link in the group, or you will be sacrificed first.
5. Never, Ever Annoy Big Ma
Just don’t. She’s seen more apocalypse than anyone, and if she says run, you run. If she says eat it, you eat it. If she smacks you upside the head, you probably deserved it.
Follow these rules, and you might just make it through the week. Probably. Maybe. Good luck.